RELATIONSHIPS

WHAT MAKES A RELATIONSHIP LAST
Twelve Helpful Hints and Reminders...

For most of us, relationships are fantasies laden with numerous myths and
impossible expectations that must be shed if we are to be at peace, experiencing mature, healthy and rich relationships.
 
The following are some helpful hints you are invited to take with you as reminders.

     (Refer to Carol Howe's books, cassettes & videos for more information about how to implement these ideas...)

1. Presume you are worthy of a great, fulfilling relationship and remember your partner is, too. What can you do to help him/her realize that?
   You experience what you offer to others, so decide what you want to experience and offer it.
2. Have the courage to follow your intuition, rather than seeking approval from others.
3. Seek to share your wholeness, rather than expecting another to meet your laundry list of needs.
4. Tell the truth about who you are and what you are feeling. Don't hide behind an ego mask or self-image, which will send the message that you are not confident. "Who you are" is sufficient.
5. Trust your partner with your innermost feelings and ideas. Your willingness to share them speaks of your confidence in him/her. Your partner will live up to your unspoken expectations-- or down as the case may be.
6. Don't expect your partner to read your mind.
   Talk about what's going on with you rather than falling into the trap of, "If you loved me, you would know what I want."
7. Continue to develop and grow into the sense of being acceptable and valuable. Most people do not feel worthy unless they're accomplishing or earning "the right to be here." Nothing is as attractive and appealing as someone who is confident and relaxed about who they are.
8. Partners mirror valuable information, often undetected by ourselves:
   - Our ideas
   - Behaviors
   - Beliefs
   Take advantage of that great, tailor-made opportunity to grow.
9. Develop a shared purpose of growing, expanding and being of service rather than having two unshared purposes of "getting my way" or pursuing personal agendas.
   People are not in our lives to be "used," and vice versa.
10. It's not your partner's job to make you happy. Your happiness is your responsibility, an "inside job."
11. Take yourself lightly, rather than personally and seriously.    Cultivate a sense of humor and laugh at your "short suits."
12. Take risks and live your life in the present, rather than the past. Don't hide out in your comfort zone.
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RELATIONSHIPS DEFINED

Our work with relationships is not about finding the perfect partner and riding off into the sunset.   It is not about a magic bullet to get everyone to behave the way we think they should, thereby relieving our upset. It is more profound and more revolutionary than that.

Therefore, when we speak of relationships we are referring not only to "significant others" but to everyone and everything, from people to ideas, that are part of our experience.  This is a much broader definition than found in common usage.
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RELATIONSHIPS ARE ALWAYS WORKING

Everyone truly longs for deeply satisfying relationships, and very few of us have them consistently.  This inconsistency is not because we are ignorant or undeserving, but because we have misunderstood what they are for.

We have seen relationships as:

- An escape from loneliness

- For getting our needs met (as we understand them)

- For ego support

They actually serve a very different and blessed purpose, meeting our most crucial and singular needs even now.

They are inexorably moving us toward our healing and growth, toward "cleaning up our own back yard," and helping us choose unconditional love over fear.

This is happening despite our lack of awareness and whether we like it or not!
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RELATIONSHIPS AS MIRRORS

Our relationships shout to us about our own state of mind, our choices and our opinion of ourselves.  They are the most finely tuned and accurate of all measuring devices, windows into the inner workings of our own minds.  Our easy, graceful relationships signal to us our decision to love and trust.

Difficult relationships point, with exact precision, to the change of mind and heart required of us.  They mirror the blind spots of our own unfinished business, which must be recognized and healed if we are ever to live happily and securely.  They are the all-important, inevitable, tailor-made blessings in disguise--gifts that  must and will be unwrapped for our quickest spiritual unfoldment and healing.  They speak of our refusal to love ourselves and others unconditionally. Our relationships will "lean" on us until we change our minds about that refusal to love.
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A MISUNDERSTANDING OF THE PROCESS

In our past, through our lack of understanding, most of us have resisted, avoided or condemned troublesome relationships, looking down on them as wrong or regrettable; a terrible mistake or punishment.

Now we are challenged to choose again, to see them for what they are--invitations to release our own fear so we can soar to a place of peace and fulfillment.  Be very clear about this - soaring to a happy state of mind or to security in the world will not happen until we look with different eyes at the people or situations that "drive us crazy".
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FAST TRACK TO PEACE OF MIND

We recognize that the perspective we present on the purpose of relationships is very different from the normal presumptions and pictures we hold about them.  They are contradictory to all we have been taught, but we guarantee that this way of approaching them works.

Look around.... how well are old views about relationships serving us?

Allowing our relationships to reveal the changes we must make ultimately promises to be the shortest path to peace of mind, opening wide the doors to freedom, enjoyment and new opportunities.  We hope you'll explore these ideas with us.
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WHAT ABOUT YOU

For an eye-opening experience about you and your relationships, we refer you to our video entitled, "Relationships: The Path To Self-Discovery" -  a full-length workshop full of insights and examples. You'll find additional information within our Books & Tapes link.

We also suggest exploring A Course In Miracles, a world-class "road map" to finding peace of mind through healed relationships.
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