Often I have clients who share with me their loneliness and their frustration at not knowing what to do about it. Specifically a young man recently asked, “ How do I get people to like me?” Of course, this question presupposes that he feels he is not liked now. A powerful way to turn this situation around is to begin to focus your attention on the welfare of others, rather than yourself. Do you make sure that everyone around you feels liked and appreciated? You might rightly ask, “But I’m the one who wants to be liked, so why this response?” Because all this focus on one’s ego-self/body-personality really turns people off and your plan to be so very special that everyone will flock to you will backfire. No one really likes being around someone who makes life “all about me!”
A most important law of life is that you will experience what you offer to others. That is because the intention is in your mind and what’s in your mind becomes your experience. If you put this information into practice, you will recognize this truth in two ways. You will have an inner feeling of being calmer and generally happier because that is what you are making possible for someone else, and mysteriously, you will find that people seem more drawn to you. You offer to “them” your genuine desire that they feel cared for and noticed and “both” of you receive. You might call this the ultimate win-win situation. So if you offer appropriate, genuine interest in what another person is doing and saying, they will feel comfortable and safe with you, and therefore, want to be around you.
So your answer, once again, is to turn this around and ask, “How can I help this person feel more valuable with something noteworthy to offer? since almost everyone is in the same boat, feeling secretly unimportant. Keep your own mind quiet and carefully and thoroughly watch, listen, and respond appropriately. No figuring out your clever response while someone else is talking. Don’t try to anticipate anything - simply be present. Just try it for a while and see what happens. I guarantee you’ll be pleasantly surprised!
Since this idea seems to be so foreign to our presumed notion that if we can just effectively promote ourselves we will be liked, admired, and sought after, we have to hear this different, and guaranteed effective, message many times. To help with your change of mind about how to really be liked, how to be a true friend, you are invited to explore the Free Resources section at www.carolhowe.com where these ideas are emphasized in many different ways.
Happy exploring my friends,
- Carol Howe -
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