How Do I Stop Making Unhelpful Choices?


  1. First, we note the results to us of unhelpful choices vs. wise ones.
  2. The ego mind always advocates for the self-serving choices that keep us small and unhappy.
  3. Choose to make choices based on what’s best for everyone and watch your life expand.


Well, it’s certainly true that we’ve all made more unhelpful choices than we can begin to count. And, of course, that brings up the question, “According to what part of my mind is any given choice an unhelpful one? Who decides if something is an unhelpful choice, or not?” We all probably recognize by now that there appear to be two perspectives or points of view we can adopt in any given moment - the ego view of “life is all about me” or a loftier view that “other things or people and their welfare matter as well.”

From the ego perspective, something is an unhelpful choice if it does not lead to discernible self-gratification or a greater sense of safety. From a loving perspective, it’s an unhelpful choice if it does not lead to a greater acceptance of all things, a win/win situation, greater understanding, and/or more happiness “for no reason.”


The ego sense of personal self doesn’t recognize an unhelpful choice when it stumbles over one since it is blind and deaf to the loving reality around us as it pursues those things, people, or conditions that will enhance its sense of “specialness” and/or allay the pain of its built-in belief in its unworthiness and insufficiency. These totally false, but universally held, beliefs are installed at the very beginning of one’s earthly life and the real path to happiness and peace lies in discovering and releasing these imprisoning beliefs. Notice you can’t release anything you won’t look for and acknowledge is present.

So the ego’s actual unhelpful choices include refusing to look for what limits us, where we hold grievances that bind us, to feel the pain those grievances cause, or mindfully to explore what we’ve taken for granted as the truth about ourselves, the world, our relationship to everything else.  The choices in our actual best interests always include acknowledging our mistakes, desiring to be truly helpful, having an open and generous attitude toward others, and practicing changing our minds about all limiting and false beliefs as a matter of daily habit. 


So to avoid making unhelpful choices that never allow you to be happy, truly prosperous and free, choose again on a daily basis to widen your scope, find things to be grateful for, begin to release those judgments, and recognize everything and everyone has the same right to a happy, safe life you do. And listen - you DO have a right to a happy life no matter how much your always-undermining ego says you don’t and wants to punish you.  The best choice in the world is to fire your ego and hire your own loving, trustworthy Self. You’ll be glad you did! 

Remember the old saying - Today is the first day of the rest of your life!   So today would be the perfect time to check out all the material we have available to help clarify the truly helpful choices. 

Love to all,

Carol Howe


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